Laundry Lows to Halloween Highs: Time Flies & Late Nights - Week 10
It’s Sunday night again, and I’m sitting at my desk, wondering where all the time is going. Arvid brought something up earlier that hit me harder than I expected. Just a few weeks left in my first semester here. It feels unreal, almost like I haven’t had a chance to fully be in this moment, and yet time keeps slipping past, faster than I can hold onto it. Next year, I’ll turn 20, stepping out of teenage years and into adulthood, and I’m starting to realize just how little time we really have. It’s strange and unsettling, like I’m running forward but never really getting anywhere. I wonder if there’s something I’m missing, something I’m not quite grasping as life seems to rush past me.
I try to remember how it felt in other stages. Moving into high school and how that once felt big, even leaving sixth grade and heading into something new. I still hold onto specific moments, people, conversations that felt significant then, but all those years flew by so fast, I barely processed it. High school, especially, felt like a blur, and now I’m here, feeling like I should be growing or changing but unsure if I am. They say we should cherish these years, but sometimes I’m so tangled up in trying to make sense of it all that it feels impossible to truly live in the moment. I find myself endlessly scrolling through my phone, as if I’m just trying to kill time, but this is the only time I get. Why am I spending it this way?
It’s like there’s this knot of feelings, of wanting to do something meaningful and feeling stuck in place, of craving growth but not knowing what I’m growing toward. I think about my swimming, too; it’s in a standstill, and I keep wondering if, or when, things will actually start moving forward. Am I searching for something I don’t yet understand? And how will I even know when I find it? Maybe the first step is just to admit that I don’t have the answers right now and to make peace with that, even as time keeps slipping past. I guess only time will tell. The whole “cherish every moment” philosophy sounds good in theory, but in practice, it’s hard to live up to when things feel stagnant. Life keeps moving forward whether I’m ready or not, but right now, it’s like I’m just along for the ride, trying to keep up.
Something else I’ve been thinking about a lot is how much time I lose to my phone. I’ve caught myself endlessly scrolling, almost like I’m trying to escape into something else, but I’m not really gaining anything from it. It feels like I’m just wasting the limited time I have, which is ironic and frustrating. Maybe it’s an attempt to fill the restlessness I feel, this search for something I can’t even name.
Recapping the past week, Sunday’s workout left me so sore it lasted through most of the week. Monday and Tuesday were pretty uneventful, just a blur of classes, training, and trying to keep up. Then Wednesday brought something different—my roommate had to leave for Texas because of a family emergency. As much as I thought I’d enjoy the extra space, I realized I missed having him around more than I expected. I also thought I’d get a bit more sleep, but Halloween changed those plans.
Thursday was off to a rough start. I’d done my laundry in the morning right after practice, thinking it would be one less thing to worry about for the day. But when I went to grab my clothes from the dryer, I noticed something was off. The machine looked emptier than it should’ve been, and sure enough, someone had gone through my laundry. They took a bunch of my clothes—mostly training and dorm stuff—and even threw my favorite pair of boxers in a nearby trash can. It’s hard to imagine why anyone would steal another person’s clothes, but there are some really low individuals out there. I was furious and frustrated; it felt like such an invasion of privacy. The school can’t really do much about it either, which just added to my irritation. I was only five minutes late getting back to the dryer, and that’s all it took for someone to decide my things were fair game.
Later that night, Coach canceled Friday’s morning practice so we could attend the school’s Halloween party, which was a welcome distraction. Halloween here is intense, like everyone’s competing for the best decorations and costumes. The party was fun, but I left early around 11, hoping to catch up on some rest after the day’s frustration. That didn’t go as planned, though—my dorm neighbors decided to bring the party back with them, making it impossible to sleep with all the noise. Halloween here is unlike anything I’ve experienced before, both exciting and exhausting, but after the laundry incident and the party chaos, I was definitely ready for a break.
Friday rolled around, and campus was still buzzing with Halloween energy. I stayed in since we had an early start for a meet on Saturday, but that didn’t stop my hallway from being loud. On Saturday, we traveled to Pennsylvania for a meet against Indiana University of Pennsylvania. They were a tough team to go up against, and they ended up winning by quite a bit. But I did hit a personal goal, swimming the 100 freestyle in under 50 seconds and breaking 500 FINA points here in the U.S. for the first time—a small victory that made the hard work feel a little more worthwhile. Despite the score, we wrapped up on a high note by winning the last relay, the 4x50 freestyle. It was close, and no one really expected us to pull it off, but we did. The meet itself only lasted a couple of hours, but between the drive there and back, it took almost four.
When we got back to campus, I was surprised to find my roommate had returned from Texas, which was a nice surprise. After such a long day, we all ended Saturday night in different ways. Some of my teammates went out to clubs or parties, but Arvid and I took a quieter route. We joined a few teammates at one of the swimmer’s farms, sitting around a fire, hearing stories about Wheeling, and just relaxing under the stars. I even got to meet a few cows, which isn’t something you’d expect to do on a Saturday night here. It was one of those rare moments that felt calm and meaningful—a good reminder to slow down and just be present.
Sunday has been a slower day, with only an evening practice from 6 to 8. I’ve mostly been taking it easy, trying to recharge a bit after the week. I’ve also started working on a personal side project, which has been a good distraction and something I’m excited to see progress over time. Arvid and I even helped Coach set up a power tower for our practices, so it’ll be interesting to see how that changes training.
All in all, this week has been a mix of highs, lows, and a lot of thinking. Sometimes it feels like I’m just going through the motions, but maybe that’s just part of finding my way. For now, here’s to whatever comes next, and maybe a little more sleep along the way.
